It's almost a year now. A YEAR. It feels like a few weeks ago that I was One Month Post Op. I just cannot believe how long it has been. The blog effort has been appauling, but what can I say.
The thing that has been going around my head lately, as I approach the big date, is how different I am now to what I thought I would be one year on. There are a lot of simple things which, although I can do, I can not do without pain or difficulty. I bend down, and muscles pull. I am reminded that I have two metal bars down my back. I have a shower and by the time I get dry my back is aching. I have metal rods down my back. I go for a run and my muscles tense to try and stop the jarring on my back - guess what? I have metal rods down my back.
Every day I am forced to think about what I had happen almost a year ago. Sometimes that thought can be crushing. I get overwhelmed by this, because when I would picture my One Year Post-Op self, I picture a pain and Scoliosis free person - and that is something which I am not.
HOWEVER. I know that it's not something to feel sad about. Yes, I have rods down my back, and yes, I have Scoliosis. But you know what? I can say I am strong. I am living with open eyes about how much worse life could be, I have a better understanding of what it is like to be restricted in a daily environment, and I have found the field in which I would love to spend the rest of my life.
I have also come so far. I remember so clearly one particular time in the hospital when my friend came to visit, and she was heading down to a local restaurant for dinner with our friends when she left. I wished so much that I could do the same, and I thought it would be amazing when I could. I now often take that for granted. I can do so much, and that's something to be grateful for.
Yes, I have restrictions. In the scheme of things, they are the size of a pea under ten mattresses and a princess.
I become stronger every day, and the community all this has introduced me to is amazing. Not to mention how lucky I was to have the surgery at a young age, and how well it went, and how much it will save me from for the rest of my life.
Every single Twistie should be able to love their body - you are all beautiful, strong people who I am honoured to have in my community.
I do love my back, cause it's a part of who I am. It represents everything I am, and everything I believe, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
